About me

I’m a mid-40’s mother of 3 teens. I’ve been married for 16 years to the man I wanted to grow old with. I thought he wanted the same with me.  I learned quite accidentally on 10.03.14 that my husband has been having an affair. I’ve since learned that it’s been going on for a few years.

I still have more questions than answers and more doubt than assurance. I don’t know if we will make it thru this “after affair hell.”  I don’t know the man that I’m married to, and right now don’t care to. He’s selfish and arrogant, egocentric. Walks around here like nothing has happened. He thinks I’m trying to make his affair more than it more than it was.

He has destroyed me, but he doesn’t know that yet.  I’m still trying to make sense of this mess.

7 thoughts on “About me

  1. I saw your comment, and started reading your blog. How weird – we’re probably on different sides of the world, probably look very different, believe in different things, have been living very different lives, but guess what, have almost very similar fate.
    Are all men driven by testosterone?? What’s with having a bloody affair??! Can’t they have the balls to let go of us then try and get the best of both worlds??! How can you still live with him?? Is it possible for the man to love us when he’s said the same three words to another woman??
    You’ve just learnt about this and I’m guessing still in denial about a lot of things. But just remember, you’re not alone. A lot of women have gone through this and survived. I’m not an advocate for divorces and separations but if you don’t feel your husband is truly remorseful and wants to fix things, then don’t just stay in the relationship because of the fear of the unknown. If I didn’t have kids or if they were grown ups, I’d not be even in the same city as him.
    Take your time to think, and I hope you come out of all these better and stronger. Xx

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Just came across this blog. The pain is brutal and breaks you down to your core. I wish you luck during this process and hope you find your way, whatever it may be. Mine will be ending in divorce but your husband sounds remorseful. Am here to support this fresh wound. I’ve found blogging has really helped me. xo


    1. Wow, I’m really sorry that I’m just now responding. I’ve been in a fog… Here and reading, writing in my mind..commenting on posts but really avoiding my own blog.. Sadly your wrong on one point.. He’s not remorseful, although he’s professed to be. His actions and non-chalaint behavior, lack of empathy toward my pain, so many more examples I could give, but he’s happy… Fucking cheater husband that I have. Perhaps my post today better describes were we are at. Xo

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Living with the knowledge of something touching on mistrust is very difficult. You never lose the feeling of the wrongdoing your partner has done to you – everyday it seems like it was just yesterday. Forgetting is hard, but we can forgive. We are always encouraged to FORGIVE.
    Expressing your feelings and pouring your heart out helps reduce the pain, am glad you did that! I have gone through some of your posts and I feel that you have undergone such a traumatic moment. The good thing about it all is that you are still alive. You are still moving on with your life, you have not taken the wrong turn to ‘solving’ the problem. I again, am glad!
    It is always said that, the closure of one door indicates the opening of another. Probably it is still open for you to take. Remember that difficulties are not the end of the road, they are just indicators that remind us when to ‘stop’, ‘slow down’, ‘change route’, etc.
    Live your life well until your frowns turn to smiles… 🙂 🙂 :)!!!

    Liked by 2 people

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