F!$& FB memories…

Most of the time I love my FB and the memories that it reminds me of. Often times it’s my kids or something related to my kids. A birthday party or first day of school; recital, hockey, soccer, Lacrosse.. I keep my FB family oriented, I try to remain politically quiet, I rarely post to or about my husband. I never air our dirty laundry.

Today,  I got this reminder, from June 2014.

Husband,
Another typical day here at the —–‘s home! Our agenda for today?
~Brunch, (fruit salad isn’t made yet) to celebrate you and your dad today.
~Celebrate Father’s Day with my Dad.
~A couple of trips into Portland getting Jacob to go to/from work
~Two hockey games for Maddie
~WHS Lacrosse banquet, (6 lbs of wings to make still…)
~Hannah has something… A sleepover I think…
~a few unanticipated things that always creep up…

And that’s only until 5!

But as typical this day is for us, I hope you know how extraordinary I think you are, and how lucky I am to share this crazy journey thru parenting with you!

Happy Fathers Day! I love you xo ~rac

As I sit back now, that’s what I miss, how extra-ordinary I felt him to be, enough so for me to publicly state it. And how lucky I was to have him.

He was at least 6 months into a sexual affair, and years into a secret relationship with OW.. and I still didn’t know.

It makes me want to puke. I don’t know how I will ever feel that way again

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13 thoughts on “F!$& FB memories…

  1. Facebook is painful! I finally realized I could adjust a setting so I do not see any memories from “that time”. I just (and still do) feel so stupid. And here’s the kicker… his AP was a family friend and a Facebook friend. I must have looked so damn stupid and I am sure she had her Cheshire Cat grin on reading my posts about my happy life. Or even better when I would post about something the kids and I were doing alone because he was at her house screwing her. Yeah pathetic.
    And Father’s Day? What card can put into words this situation? Maybe we should start a greeting card business. Here’s the first one. Happy Father’s Day. And in the inside it says: You better not fuck this up again or your kids will never talk to you. Or I really don’t know what to say because I still think you kinda suck.
    I want to feel happy and PROUD of my marriage. I think with every holiday passed and as time moves forward it will get better. I’m still not sure if I will ever feel that way again but I know for sure I am going to feel better about myself than I did before.
    Thanks for posting. You hit the nail on the head again. Thinking of you. Do something for yourself…and post it : )

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Nothing like being played for a fool, TBML. Same story here. I don’t, and never have posted on public social media about my relationship. But her coming to all our social engagements, including my birthday parties, on holiday to our lake house with us, and sometimes just with me … it feels like you were the stupidest person on the planet. Shitty thing to do if it’s with a stranger. But shittier still with a long term friend. Someone I took under my wing. Ugh.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. ya, my husband slept with the couple we hung out with frequently. Their kids called me aunt, I donated to their family cuz they were poor, shoot, the whore was even at the hospital when I gave birth to my child. Im sure they laughed at me constantly as well. Sick twisted individuals out there!

        Liked by 1 person

    2. Seriously.. there’s a card category in need! Let’s start a business!

      I had a panic attack the first time I went into hallmark to buy cards at Christmas in 2014. I was 10 weeks post day, and really a mess… ( your welcomed to read my early blog posts 😔) I found out my husband was cheating on our 16th anniversary. I was totally blind-sided. She was always a part of our relationship.. in some form.. I knew I’d her as a high school friend..

      She’s a friend of my husband’s siblings.. she lived with then when she was in high school. That was the first time my husband fucked her..

      Liked by 2 people

  2. It is interesting and sad and at the same time hopeful. Many who post on WP about their experiences with infidelity (yes, me too) struggle for years, and years with triggers, deep pain and anger…and yet many do want to remain in the relationship and keep on trying. This means that they have hope that things will get better. But…most say that they will never be the same again….

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m not sure I’m hopeful that our relationship will ever be better. I have to decide if it’s enough for me now. And for now it is. We parent well together. He knows me better than anyone.. the ugly side that only our spouses see.. he knows my habits.. we live comfortably together, and mostly get along. We never talk about the real stuff about us.. he’s never wanted to do the work. I’ve come to accept my husband as emotionally challenged. So, we’ll see. I’m hopeful that I’ll find the peace and joy that hope for.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I hate it when FB memories come up as OH was having his EA during most of the time I have been on FB. So they are mostly always painful, just by the date alone. The only positive is that because I rarely post on there (mostly just comment on other posts), they don’t come up that often.
    I too have to decide if this lesser feeling is enough for me for now. His behaviour has completely killed the deep and passionate love I felt for him. I honestly don’t think I will ever get it back. I haven’t told him I love him for over 18 months now. We are moving house next month. Maybe I will feel differently without being surrounded by constant reminders, but as he is the biggest trigger of all, I doubt it very much! Much love. X

    Liked by 2 people

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