Been a while

Last time I posted, over a year ago now… I had taken some time off at a cabin. I was ready to climb out of the pit that my husband’s affair left me in.

But no, my employer decided to take my medically approved absence as a voluntary resignation (legal in a “employer-at-will state.)

So here I am, nearly a year later still unemployed. While technically I ” resigned,” we all know I was fired. Major hit to a struggling betrayed wife. I’m doing better, the time off has been good for my mental and emotion health.

I’ve taken up bird-watching, spent far too much time searching my ancestors and reading! Now that spring is finally here, please, more time in my garden… by far cheaper than any therapy! Funny side story.. I received some gift certificates for Mother’s Day and bought some new perennials… here in Maine, winter is long and sometimes harsh on them.. I always lose a few. I got a beautiful climbing rose-bush, with sherbet-colored blossoms and a lovely honeysuckle vine, both new additions for me! I have some lovely periwinkle and yellow  columbine to replace the ones that didn’t return, and coral bells to add to my existing variety. Also my annuals for my planters, petunias, Vinca, inpatients and begonias! I hoping to attract the hummingbirds I see buzzing around! Anyways, my point was to mention my plan was to garden today.

but here I am posting and before I was sidetracked, I was bringing you up to speed on my mental and emotional well being.. this las year, since being fired ..

I have totally enjoyed my kids; my girls, 16 and 17.. just one month shy of 18 and graduating in 3 weeks! And my son almost 20, graduated last June.  Joined the United States Marine Corps! Oohrah!🇺🇸 He’s now home, as a reservist, working full-time and is leaving in August for college. I’m incredibly proud of him.

My graduating daughter isn’t sure what her plan is yet… she’s true to being a middle child and oldest daughter… very independent, mature beyond her tender years, empathetic…much like her mother. She’ll tell me when she’s sure, and when she’s ready, what her plans will be. I only know that full-time college is off the block, and that she wants to work full-time. She likes working and has since she was 16. I’m not overly concerned. I know she will figure it out.

We took a family road trip in late October, to see my son graduate from boot camp and then to Washington D.C. A road trip in my brand new Jeep! It was a fun trip!

We got thru the 2016 holidays  the first I can say I truly enjoyed, since Dday. My son came home from Infantry school in February. January thru March weekends were mostly about dance competitions with my youngest. Now it’s nearly the end of May.

I’m planning for graduation and dance recital, that fall on the same day. A graduation party to plan still? she’s reluctant.. eighteenth birthday celebration and I’ve been busy with a group of dance-moms fundraising for our dancers going to the Macy’s day parade this year!

As for my marriage, hmm. I was optimistic, in the first 1.5 years, hopeful even. Now.. I’m not sure anymore… it’s not that it’s bad really, it’s just not very good. It’s just the remaining shell of what we had. He pretends not to notice. The situation works, well even, for us, for now. But I doubt either of us would admit we are happy.

Getting toward a sensitive subject there, so I’ll redirect.. to my gardening, for some cheap therapy!








10 thoughts on “Been a while

  1. I loved hearing from you. Great piece and your peace of mind seems like it is getting more settled. It is amazing when we can get our own mind in a good place despite the crap that swims around us! I love gardening too and also spend way too much time doing genealogy…have my family back to the 900’s.

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  2. Dear RAC,

    Good to hear from you. Gardening is active and also creative and altogether very therapeutic. I understand that you are quite an expert in the field. Would love to see all the flowers, and the hummingbirds enjoying them.

    You describe a phase that is common: all the emotional stages, leading to a hope-full stage and after that not seeing more progress as something is missing which hurts. Talking about it is hard as it would make you both sad and saying stuff aloud makes it more real, while when not saying it you can more-or-less avoid it. But of course, it is still there.

    What do you think needs to change or needs to be added in order to fill the void? I wonder about this as well. I am sure many do. Is it possible to become truly happy again?

    Enjoy your garden,


    Liked by 2 people

  3. Hi rac. Great to hear from you! Sounds like you have had some grounding time. Can’t believe they fired you! That absolutely sucks. But silver lining is the time you got for you.

    I just spoke of this phase on my blog recently. I haven’t a real name for it. Just the acceptance and emotional exhaustion of the aftermath. When the magic didn’t occur, you didn’t get a wonderful new life and cure for the disappointment and sadness of the person you adored breaking your heart. Things flatten out. The edge is taken off the pain. But your relationship is not ‘better’ or even particularly ‘healed.’ Just quieter.

    All the best as those kids forge on. Sounds like you’re doing a great job, and we’re gifted some extra time to enjoy them just at this ‘late parenting’ stage. Well done.

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  4. “you describe a phase that is common: all the emotional stages, leading to a hope-full stage and after that not seeing more progress as something is missing which hurts. Talking about it is hard as it would make you both sad and saying stuff aloud makes it more real, while when not saying it you can more-or-less avoid it. But of course, it is still there.”
    ^Yes! That was my 2 years from d-day stage.

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  5. I wonder if this is a stage that everyone goes through. It’s a dull color grey. Not good. Not bad. Just is.
    I’m 2 years out and don’t feel much really. I don’t want to leave but not excited about staying. Worn out I suppose. This affair aftermath has sucked the life out of me. I suppose it’s now time for me to get my life back and start moving past it. It will always be there like an ugly scar but what else can we do. We’ve got one life on this earth and tick tock I’m not waiting anymore.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Thank you for the update RAC. We have just bought a new house. I am in the process of using the new house and garden as therapy to escape the deep sadness I still feel after discovering OH’s affair 3 years ago. I have come to the conclusion that life will never be the same again. Whilst it is much better now, and he is trying so hard to be the man he always should have been, that unbridled joy I often felt is now a dim and distant memory. Even things I still do enjoy are dimmed by thoughts of betrayal, intruding unwanted and unbidden, when I least expect.

    But gardening and homemaking are balm for the soul and give me solace too. Your garden sounds wonderful. All the best for your future. Much love. X

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Welcome back Rac! Gardening sounds lovely and it appears it’s a relatively common self-therapy among us betrayed spouses. I am, too, about two years out, and as I read through the above comments, it seems like GREY is the keyword: the kind of “just is”, as TBML said. I so wish someone had a roadsign at the next intersection, but obviously it won’t happen. Hang in there!


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