To stay or go..

that’s the question most of us are asking ourselves in the devastation of an affair.

stumbled upon this article:

I don’t agree with all of the reasons, but they all are interesting to consider. I know I have and will continue to until I’ve decided for sure what is best for me. My goal is to feel better, not bitter. And honestly, I feel bitter. Life is so fucking unfair sometimes. And shit just piles  on. My community has had such catastrophic losses over the past few years.. Several families lost parents too young to cancer. A domestic violence act resulting in a murder suicide to a bright and promising new nurse that I had the honor of talking to many times over the years ❤️ 3 parent suicides. 2 associated thru our kids and soccer. The third just last month, one of my youngests’ BFF’s father shot himself. Her younger brother found him. Suck a shitty, sucky situation! And last week, on Memorial Day a kind and gentle young man with a beautiful future was murdered in the next town over. I’ve watched him grow up got the last 8+ Years, he’s one of my sons oldest best friends. And today, I’m waiting for the Drs office to call with an appointment for an MRI. My youngest has continued to have back pain. The next step is surgery. A spinal fusion. And I am terrified! I’m absolutely confident as a nurse and in the excellent Dr we are so fortunate to have that it is the best choice for her. He is one of the best in his field. Still, I’m her mother. She’s 14 and its spinal surgery. So many things could go wrong and I know it’s crazy and ridiculous to worry  about all the “what if’s. But if I could cope a little fucking better!!!

I have some foundational Christian beliefs. I was raised catholic. I visited a number of churches, and explored various religions. I know what I feel and believe and someday maybe I’ll venture down the path of writing a blog about my spirituality. Because it’s important, and I am privately and humbly spiritual. But not in any public manner. I mostly avoid organized religion. But I pray, and I believe. And I’m very respectful of almost all faiths.

So I can say this, I do believe that the Lord (whom ever that represents for you and I) will not give us more than we can handle. I call Mercy!

So now that I’ve shared a well written blog that went off on an unexpected tangent…

Perhaps I’m a little bit better and a little less bitter.

I’m going to go reapply my makeup and get myself ready for my sons last season game of LAX! On to playoffs Saturday.

I’m still looking for the exit out of Suckville! I’ve made a few wrong turns, maybe even broke down a few times…

Bet still better ❤️

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12 thoughts on “To stay or go..

  1. It’s a mother’s job to worry about her babies, but when you pile that on top of the other stress, it can be overwhelming. Hugs to you, Rac. I hope she feels better soon. Have fun with the sports, I miss them so much. I love that you are “privately and humbly spiritual.” That’s a beautiful thing to remember on the worst of days. It doesn’t heal it all, but hopefully it helps ground you from the inside out. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  2. An interesting read. Like you, I’m don’t agree with every point, but definitely worth reading. I do agree with Bugsmetwo, “all I ask of myself is to just keep trying every day.” I couldn’t not have said it better!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I love watching my kids perform.. Whether is academic, athletic or artistic. It makes my heart happy and I feel joy that I helped to create such beautiful beings❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  4. My mamma always said, life is not fair, and those who tell you otherwise are lying. Hence why I try my best to celebrate even small victories, even clean bill of health doctors appts, and say one good thing around the dinner table every nite together. I’ve been to that similar place you write about and I said a quick prayer you find your way out/off…. soon.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your kind response. I totally agree. I find the daily joys and blessings in my life. There are so many.

      I hope you’ve found peace and calm again. That the confusion has cleared. That is what I want.

      Xo

      Liked by 1 person

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