Mindfulness

I’ve so much to do. Don’t we all? I can see a few betrayed women sitting around Panera or Starbucks, or whatever place (that our cheating husbands profess they didn’t take her to.)

I believe that in true woman fashion, we would bond quickly and easily, converse, bitch, rant and share stories about all the shit our husband has put us thru. I hope we laugh. We would probably look like a group of “old friends”  catching up.

So with that preface, let me start my rant so I can get on with what I need to do. I feel like I’ve been out of touch here on my blog. If you’ve read try my blog, you may recall that I emailed LKL, the “other woman.” This has gone on for the past week or so.   I concluded those yesterday. I plan to put then here on my blog, eventually. I guess I’d say I feel pretty fortunate that I had the opportunity to communicate with her. It has been helpful mostly.

I’m not threatened by the affair anymore. I’m starting to believe that my husband made a big fucking mistake. Really big mistake, that has irrevocably changed me.

Unfortunately, my son J, 17, and my daughter M, 15, know about the affair. The four of us sat the other night and my husband explained to them what he did. They revealed they’ve known for a few weeks. My 13 yo daughter, H was asleep and is still naive. This was one of those times where you feel like you’re watching thru the window. There was no drama or anger. It was really in itself “no big deal.” But weird watching my husband tell my kids that he had an affair. He is a great dad and he adores them. They will forgive him and resolve any feelings much much sooner than I.

I didn’t want them to know, but it did make my husband aware of all he risked by his selfish and careless clandestine activities. He cried later that night. The first time I’ve seen him do so since all this after affair hell started almost 7 weeks ago now.

So the holiday season is here. I really would like to skip over them altogether. I’m doing well, considering. I just don’t feel joyous and festive, and I don’t want to pretend that I am. I am the oldest daughter, and the Daughter in law that plays host every year. I host Thanksgiving, Christmas morning brunch with my parents, and then open house Christmas afternoon with my husband’s family. He is one of 8 kids, most of whom live local to us. It ends up being a houseful with upwards of 30-35 people in years past. Recent years my nieces and nephews have married and started their own families so gatherings have become smaller. I guess 20 or so will show up for Christmas…but first I have thanksgiving (I’m seriously thinking about having my sister-in-law host Christmas this year. She knows about the affair.

So Thanksgiving..I have a focused plan, and I’ve shared it with those that are coming.. My core 5, my parents, my brother, his girlfriend and their 4 yo daughter. I’m preparing a traditional Thanksgiving feast with all the side dishes in my usual fashion. I’ve lots of peeling, shopping, dicing and slicing and baking to do. It will get done. It always does. Then we are playing cranium. And will laugh, because.. Well it’s a fun family game.. Goofy and silly. My parents know what’s up, and my brother is simple. I can do this.

My big fear right now is that my husbands parents, who are flying out to DC for the holiday will get stranded, and I’ll have 2 unexpected guests. This east coast nor’easter could through a wrench in my plan. I really don’t care for them to be here tomorrow. There presence will be much more challenging.

So I’m practicing mindfulness. I can get thru this moment, and  the next. The one after maybe not so well. I m prepared to duck into a closet and cry if I have to. Then in to the next moment…

I wish each of you a blessed thanksgiving, that you find some peace and joy and even smile. Focus on mindfulness.

Us betrayed wives have special challenges thru these moments, I have to believe we will be stronger and wiser.

xo

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8 thoughts on “Mindfulness

  1. Thanks for this as I am making my way thank you for helping me see how it’s okay if I want to duck in a closet.. and that I may need to.
    Sometimes I forget I’m still not right.
    And then it’s hard to get out of this and wonder will it all be okay again?
    I never believe it will with M..
    I am my own worst enemy 🙂
    Thanks for this post

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t think things will ever be ok again, at least not how I used I define it. I know it can be different. Even better someday (though I can’t imagine that right now…) infidelity sucks…

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  2. I wish I could sit down with the other bloggers too, but sadly I think we are scattered all over the country and all over the world. It would be weird if we were all in one place… like some kind of sick radiation coming from the local plant that made all our husbands cheat on us, or something. I usually do Thanksgiving dinner. We are going out to a restaurant this year. Up until last week, I was going to try and pull it off, then I realized I didn’t have to. I don’t have to do anything, so I’m not. I wish you strength over the holidays. I’m thinking it is going to be tough no matter how we slice it. Regarding telling the kids, my heart breaks for you. The first time my husband cried, it was when telling my son. My personal thinking on this is 1) he had compartmentalized me out, and he hadn’t fully re-attached his feelings back to me yet, and maybe still hasn’t, and 2) when he told our kids, it made me realize that he probably had no idea that he was hurting them too, until he had to tell them about how he chose to care more about himself than them. It sunk in about half way through telling our older son. I’ll be thinking out you!

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    1. As always thank you for commenting. Validation by other betrayed wives is truly the best therapy for me right now. It helps me know I’m not loosing my mind, because I truly have wondered sometimes. Or maybe we are all crazy… I suspect a little bit.. Must be to but up with the after affair hell. There are moments I am absolutely convinced that I can’t do this, that I don’t have what it takes to get thru this shit heap. But then I remember “my” plans and dreams of my husband and I growing old together… I haven’t given up or changed those yet..

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      1. Well, I do think everyone is a bit crazy, and now we are a bit more crazy. Remember the dreams and as long as he is true and faithful and honest and what you need him to be, they will come true. I love your new blog theme.

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    1. My 15 year old came in to say good night to me. Ig gone to bed early, was crying and didn’t hear her com in. She came over and curled up in bed with me and said “dad is an asshole” which led to her and I talking about what she knew and her telling me my son (her older brother) knew as well. They had been suspicious because I’d been sad and angry with my husband. She told me that they had heard us talking or arguing..

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