Excuses

I’m so fucking tired of them…

“I don’t know, honey”

“I don’t remember”

“that was so long ago”

“I don’t recall”

“that’s not how it happened…”

“You are trying to make it more than it was”

“It was just sex”

“I didn’t think you’d be this upset”

“I didn’t think you’d care”

“I need time to take care of myself” (not verbatum.. That’s how I interpret it.)

“We were just friends in high school” (when the original fucking started)

“You’re digging for info but you won’t anything more than you’ve already found”

I ask questions and get the same vague answers. Sometimes he gives me a different answer. There’s so little truth in it. That’s all I want!!! Is the truth so fucking hard now? I know about the fucking affair now. It’s my hell now. Nothing more can hurt me as long as it’s not any more fucking lies or excuses.

I sent an email to LKL asking for a timeline. She’s going thru her calendars to provide it for me. She already offered information that contradicts what my husband has told me. Starting with “when you were pregnant with J (my firstborn son NAME!)…”  I’ve opened myself up for something I don’t know if I’m prepared for….my husbands timeline had there first contact with her in 2009 on FB. Prior to that it was his early 20’s. My son was born in 1997. Twelve more years of fucking lies!!

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12 thoughts on “Excuses

  1. OMG, MyLife, I’m feeling horrible for you and am sending warm hugs in your direction. Plus lots of sympathy. Just when you think it can’t get any worse, you get slammed. Hang on, and remember, you’re not alone. I admire your nerve in contacting her, wish I had the guts to do that. Don’t forget to take care of yourself, as hard as that is when all you can think about is their affair.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your comments.. I posted the emails we exchanges. There’s some editing to do at some point, but I don’t care much right now. It was mostly helpful, but in some ways opened up more questions.. But there will always be questions… I just want answers now.

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  2. Oh my, your posts are so difficult for me to read. I feel like I am there with you, experiencing this all over again. We are 10 months in and I still feel like I don’t know everything, but I know enough. Get it over with quick. If the OW is halfway sane and you can get info out of her that you can verify with your husband, I say do it, but do it once and get it all. I have a post about meeting my husband’s sponsor’s wife and she got to do this. She met with the OW twice. She was able to get and verify all the facts at once. It still took her a couple years to really truly forgive, but oh, to know the truth. It seems like such a blessed thing to me. I still have to rely on my husband, because his OW is crazy. It was so painful when my husband admitted all the lies he told her about me and our marriage. So painful, but I had asked for the truth and I got it, and there was some satisfaction in getting him to admit the horrible lies he told. After all these months, I have to let it go now. It won’t change the fact that my husband is with me and not her, and at this point, I want that. I have enough information now, but it took months of heartache, begging, and crying. *hugs* to you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I always find it difficult to come her and read blogs and responses. I too feel every heartache and share every tear that all of us betrayed wives are sharing, and writing about.

      It is from all that I’ve real from infidelity sites that lead me to write to her. I need to know the whole truth, or at leat as much as I can ever know, Now. I hate the trickling truth.. It kills me! Makes me feel panicky and fearful.. Always waiting for the next revelation, and not knowing if that will be the one the puts me on the edge..I don’t want to know everything.. Just want enough to find something to stand on an know that my husband is worth the shit work we have to do to reconcile. It’s questionable, but I know that I can’t invest time and energy into something that isn’t going to last. The only way I can move forward is to have enough of the truth so that the affair doesn’t feel threatening.

      This is such a shitty place to be.. After affair hell!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Your as bad as me! Why can’t we leave well enough alone? I dug and searched and dug some more and in the end it almost took my life! Whatever the timeline reveals, remember we’re here for you, you can get through it in time. Xoxo

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    1. I’m really not digging much.. I just keep digging the same info up. I just don’t have the tenacity to dig deeper. And really it’s just data.. In the perfect after affair hell he would tell me the answers and details that I ask.

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  4. is LkL apologetic ? After she gives you the timeline, ask her to observe NC rules. If she fails, you can expose her to her husband and employer. Because she abuses her working time by spending time with him .

    Have you both gone for counseling?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Betty, there has been NC since October 6th, The day after I discovered the affair. We are only communicating thru email. She offered to meet me somewhere. I don’t have it in me to do that.

      She is apologetic, she actually seems more remorseful and ashamed than my husband. I don’t hold her to high credibility, for obvious reasons. But I think her truth along with my husbands truth (which added together is just a heap of shit) may give me more of the truth. It will let me know when my husband is lying.

      So counciling.. Haven’t yet. I need to, we need to. It’s in the list.

      Thank you for your reponse.

      rac

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  5. Often, our mind cannot rest until it not only has answers, but the TRUTH. The betrayed is hard enough to take, but the lies and omissions twist the knife. Find what you are looking for, otherwise your mind will never rest. Sending you strength. SWxo

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    1. This has been the most profound experience of my life. I am hyper-aware of everything. Smells, sounds,volume, temperature, taste… Truly. And yes, my mind..it never stops.

      It’s been helpful. She has shared with me some things that I didn’t know, things my husband forgot and yes, lies too. Nothing has been overwhelming in itself.

      But they’ve been friends since they were 12. He keeps telling me that she was nothing really, old friend … I just don’t understand why I didn’t know about her. They have always been friends. If it was nothing, which he claims.. Then why the secrets, omissions etc.

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